HIDDEN PAGE - list of white guys i simply cannot be normal about because of catastrophic circumstances all related to homosexuality
DAVID THEWLIS is a British actor who played Remus Lupin in the Harry Potter film series.
My first gay ship Ever was Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, aka Wolfstar.
Wolfstar was quite possibly the first instance of fandom making me deeply unwell. I didn’t even go on AO3 or Wattpad or anything, I just stumbled upon hundreds upon hundreds of pieces of fanart, incorrect quotes, memes and shitposts on Pinterest. I’d spend hours scrolling through kicking my legs and giggling. I hardly even considered Wolfstar a main ship to me (I honestly preferred the canon ship of Lupin/Tonks) it was simply just a profound fascination with gay shipping and fandom, the extent of which I had not yet been exposed to before this moment.
The lack of proper investment in the ship did not stop me from being the most annoying shit on the planet about it. I would constantly bug my friends and just say “Wolfstar” to them without any further elaboration and I’d write the ship name down dozens of times on the interior covers of my school notebooks and duotangs. Like some giddy preteen girl about her crush or something.
Any reminder of this phase therefore deals VISCERAL psychic damage. The reason why Thewlis affects me so much but the other half of the ship, Sirius Black’s Gary Oldman, does not, is simply because Thewlis actually looks like Lupin. We watched Justin Kurzel’s Macbeth (2015) in my eleventh grade English class and I was internally giggling every time Thewlis as King Duncan was onscreen because the face of my childhood fixation was staring right at me—an experience that is simply unmatched by seeing Oldman, unrecognizable since his and his characters’ appearances are so distinct from each other.
I, of course, hate Harry Potter now, and even thinking about this right now makes me kind of queasy I’m going to be so real, so the amount this all means to me unfortunately has a huge asterisk next to it. Still, I can’t deny the significance of it all. [side note: I should write something about Harry Potter, going over my Entire experience. Another time…]
JESSE LAVERCOMBE is a Canadian actor who played the recurring character Jack Walker in Murdoch Mysteries from seasons 13 to 16.
Jack Walker was the love interest of Detective Llewellyn Watts, one of the main cast of the show and one of my favourite characters. Walker was Watts’s first love interest in fact, and still the most important of them to this day. The love interest that introduced Watts as a gay character. A severely underdeveloped character (kind of boring in fact) as is the case with all of Watts’s love interests, but this was the first one, and the fandom had high expectations and held on to what it can, and I myself got very invested in the ship and wrote a few fics about it, like what’s the worst that can happen ?
🧍😐
Long story short, the handling of Watts’s love interests pisses me off. The most egregious instance is of course the love triangle between him, Jack Walker, and Milo Strange in season 15, which is no joke my 13th reason it was so frustrating. Genuinely gets me extremely heated every time I think about it. It’s one of the factors that really drag down a season that’s otherwise very fun, especially the first half ; now every rewatch I’m filled with dread for what’s to come. Whenever I see LaVercombe my first instinct is to think « oh shit i hate that guy lol » and it’s in a lighthearted way but still kind of mean 😔 It makes me feel a little guilty, the way I consider his face a jumpscare whenever I see him. He’s a talented actor, and he seems to be involved in a lot of cool projects, it’s just that him being forever tied to this frankly scarring part of Murdoch Mysteries is ridiculous. Sorry, man.
ANDREAS “Andy” DERMANIS is a British-Greek filmmaker who happens to be the long-term partner of a certain British-Lebanese pop star about whom I am very parasocial. Andy, out of all the people on this list, is the only one with whom I still regularly engage. He’s also the one that warrants the least amount of parasocialness.
To be completely honest, I’m obsessed with how normal he is. He’s just some guy. He’s not famous. He’s not especially remarkable. He has a decent amount of credits under his belt, but nothing to make him stand out, just a sweet humble dude going around the UK and Greece, telling people’s stories. And his famous boyfriend trots around the world singing about their 20 years worth of relationship drama. Impeccable. Absolute cinema, as the kids say. Here is my Tumblr post about it.
I’ve listened to his travel podcast Epirus Falls, which is insane because I don’t listen to podcasts. If ever you hear me say something crazy about « Instagram user epirusfalls » I’m talking about him. After kicking off his Spinning Out tour, Mika posted a bunch of pictures on Instagram, including one of him embracing some guy, and immediately upon seeing it I said out loud « fuck is that andy » and it was, but it’s stupid that I so easily recognize him from behind, because I must reiterate he is literally just some guy. I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT IT HONESTLY. He seems like a genuinely nice guy—he has his own goals and passions and accomplishments, and he loves Greece and connecting with his people and culture, and he loves his dog, and yet I permanently see him through the lens of his famous boyfriend. OOPS